


The Time Stan Marsh Thought He Was Pregnant

by ButterBalls1215



Series: South Park Gays Universe [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy Scares, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 01:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16546622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterBalls1215/pseuds/ButterBalls1215
Summary: It wasn't like Stan didn't like kids, but having one at 16 wasn't ideal.





	The Time Stan Marsh Thought He Was Pregnant

It seemed like a regular day at South Park High. Everyone was acting normal, there were no crazy occurrences last night in the town, hell, even Kenny survived the night from any death experiences to add to his list.

So, when Butters sat down at his friend’s lunch table in the cafeteria he was quite shocked at the sudden tension.

“What’s up?” He asked, taking his normal place next to Eric at the end of the table, Eric’s hand instantly shooting out to steal one of Butters fries, having already finished his own.

“Stan is all moody as fuck this morning.” Kyle whined, taking a sip of his cola.

Kenny rolled his eyes “I told you, he’s probably got his fucking period dumbass. Why else would he be bitchy?”

“Don’t call my boyfriend a bitch!” Kyle countered, more on edge than normal.

“Dude chill” Craig said, grabbing onto Kyle’s shoulder “It happens. I mean last week Tweek was being super whiny for no reason at all.”

“Dude, you fucking forgot to pick him up after class and left him in the rain!” Token disputed.

“That was an accident!” Craig shouted back.

Eric snickered “You two are such bad boyfriends.”

“Fuck you, fat ass!” Kyle yelled at him.

“Are you sure you didn’t do something to piss Stan off?” Token asked.  
“I don’t think so.” Kyle replied, thinking back to the last few days. Nothing that he can remember would’ve pissed him off. They really hadn’t even spent much time together this week, Stan continuously telling Kyle he was busy after school.

“Wait,” Kenny interrupted “Do you think he’s cheating on you?”

“What? No!” Kyle replied quickly. Stan had been busy with, something. Not cheating. He would never. Not after the way he acted towards Francis when he thought Francis was flirting with Kyle.

Suddenly, Stan approached the table. Instead of going to his normal seat next to Kyle however, he came to the opposite side of the table, tapping on Butters shoulder.

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“Sure Stan!” Butters replied with a smile, following his friend as he led him towards the bathroom. When they entered, Stan locked the door behind them, and looked under all the stalls to ensure they were alone. Butters, confused, as Stan what was going on. Once Stan was for sure they were alone, he turned back to Butters and pulled a positive pregnancy test out of his coat pocket.

“Sweet Jesus Stan!” Butters shouted. Stan immediately covered Butters mouth with his empty hand.

“Dude! Keep it quiet!”

“But Stan!” Butters said, muffled by Stan’s hand.

“You cannot tell anyone got it?” He asked, removing his hand. Butters nodded twice, still in shock at what his friend just told him. Stan was pregnant! With Kyle’s baby! He was only 16! How could they even raise a baby? They had no money!

“Are you going to tell Kyle?” 

“No! Are you kidding me? He will freak the fuck out!”

“But it’s his baby!... It is his baby, right?”

“Yes! Jesus Butters!”

“I don’t know okay!” Butters shouted back “I am in clear distress right now! How did this happen? Wait, I don’t want to know that. Why aren’t you going to tell Kyle?”

“I will eventually. Just not yet. I literally just took this in the morning.”

“Where did you even get that?” Butters asked, pointing at the test Stan was still holding in his hand.

“My sister’s bathroom. She really is a whore.” Stan said with a shrug. “I was too worried if I went to the drug store I’d see someone we knew. I mean last week when I was trying to buy smokes I ran into Craig’s dad at the till!”

“Stan this is serious! What are you gonna do?”

Stan sighed “I don’t know okay? I just needed to tell someone okay?”

Butters sighed, and after a few more minutes of discussing how they needed to keep this a secret, they finally left the bathroom. As they returned to the table, Stan gave Butters another threatening look, mouthing ‘Keep quiet’ to him as he took his place next to Kyle.

Cartman eyed them warily “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing!” Butters shouted, receiving a look from Stan, “I need to go actually.” He grabbed his things and rushed from the table. The guys gave him a quizzical look as he left the cafeteria. Kyle looked to Stan, question what was up with Butters, but Stan just shrugged in response and took a sip of his chocolate milk.

After school the guys went to hang out at PF Chang’s, to study and get some food. As the guys joked and fooled around, Butters continued starring daggers at Kyle.

“Dude are you mad at me or something?” Kyle finally asked. “Did Stan say something to you.”

“God is mad at you right now Kyle.” Butters muttered, not thinking. Then instantly covered his mouth when he realized what he just said.

“Dude he knows something! Spit it out Butters!” Clyde shouted, as he, Craig, and Kyle stood and moved in Butters, knowing that if they pressured him he’d spit it out. Butters was never good at keeping secrets.

“Guys fuck off. Leave him alone.” Cartman sneered back at them. Craig rolled his eyes.

“Come on Butters, what do you got against Kyle?”

“Nothing! I know nothing!”

“You do too!” Clyde countered “Come on Butters, don’t you want to be a good friend to Kyle and help him solve his relationship problems?”

“Well maybe he should’ve thought of that in the first place!” Butters shouted back, instantly regretting what he had said. Well shit.

Stan and Tweek continued to walk towards PF-Chang’s heading to meet with their boyfriends. Tweek was talking about how Craig was late to pick him up again this morning, when Stan suddenly spit out he was pregnant to Tweek.

“WHAT!” Tweek shouted, hands instantly going to his hair and tugging.

“Tweek calm down okay? I just thought maybe you were better to talk to about this than Butters.”

“Butters knows?”

“Yes, and that’s the only other person I’ve told. Please, please don’t tell Kyle.”

As the two entered the restaurant, they paused in shock as they saw Kyle lying on the floor in shock as Clyde smacked him around trying to get him to snap out of it. Stan glanced over at Butters to see him instantly mouth he was sorry. Stan angrily sighed and exited the restaurant, Tweek following quickly behind.

Stan sighed as he lied faced first into his pillow. He didn’t mean for this to happen. But. Him and Kyle weren’t exactly the most careful. It was a heat of the moment kind of thing. Except now Stan would be facing the consequences forever.

Kyle stared blankly into the distance as he sat on his front steps. How the hell did this happen? Him and Stan never should’ve been so careless. God, why couldn’t this have happened to Craig and Tweek?

Cartman, Craig, and Token continued to joke around in front of Kyle. God why were his friends such assholes? His life was ruined! At the precious age of 16! Say goodbye to grad school now Kyle!

“Dude, just imagine how ugly their baby is gonna be!” Cartman laughed out, “He’s gonna have Kyle’s stupid hair and jew face and Stan’s stupid hippie mojo. What a disaster.”

“Shut up fatass!”

“Kyle! Watch your language! What about the baby?” Cartman continuously laughed, Craig and Token snickering as well.

Kyle groaned “Shouldn’t you be worried? What if Butters got knocked up huh?”

“Oh please, Butters isn’t a big enough hippie idiot to get knocked up. Not like your little bitch girlfriend.”

“Stop calling Stan a bitch!” Kyle reiterated, standing up and walking into his house, slamming the door behind himself.

“Jeez, and he’s going to be a father.” Craig scoffed, before the three headed back to Cartman’s.

The next day after school, Craig was with Tricia at the pharmacy, picking up some prescription their parents needed. Craig didn’t even want to know what it was, but he knew if they did the petty little errand his parents would thank him and not bat an eye when Tweek spent the night 5 times a week.

Craig and Tricia continued to bicker as they waited in line, the usual brother and sister banter about Tricia playing her music too loud, Craig sick of her asking Tweek uncomfortable questions, Tricia threatening to tell their parents about what is really going on behind that closed door. Craig hardly even noticed when Mr. Tweak came into the pharmacy and got into line behind them.

“Oh, Hello Craig.” He offered, always trying to be civil with the young boy, though Craig knew he intensely disliked him.

“Hello Mr. Tweek.” Craig smiled stiffly back. “Here for a prescription?”

“Ah, yes. Picking up some cold medicine for Tweek.”

Craig’s eyebrows crinkled. Medicine? Tweek didn’t seem sick at school.

Craig and Tricia moved aside as they waited for their order to be filled, and Craig watched silently as Mr. Tweek was handed his prescription and was told the cost.

“I’m sorry, $35.99? For cold medicine?” Mr. Tweek asked as the pharmacist read his total.

“Um no. Not for cold medicine. Birth control pills.”

Craig’s eyes instantly shot wide open. Oh shit.

“Oh my god! Craig’s going to get his ass kicked!” Tricia burst out, not even trying to contain her laughter.

Back home at the Broflovski’s, Kyle was trying his hardest to hide his dirty little secret. Was that the right way to phrase that? Probably not. Kyle was such a mess he couldn’t even think straight.

“Kyle, what’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you eating your string beans?” Sheila asked as Kyle stared blankly at his plate.

“Sorry, mom.” He mumbled, before digging into his food, though he realized he wasn’t even that hungry. Just stressed. How the hell were him and Stan going to afford to feed a third human?

“What’s the matter? You’ve seemed so distant since you came home.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Are you sure you aren’t sick son?” Gerald asked.

Ike snorted “He’s probably high.”

“Kyle!” Sheila yelped

“I’m not high!” Kyle exclaimed

“Then he’s just being mopey because Stan’s not here.” Ike shot back. Kyle rolled his eyes.

“Oh, where is Stan? Did he have football?” Sheila asked.

“Um no.”

“Is he sick? Oh, poor thing! We should bring him some soup!”

“It’s nothing mom. Stan’s fine.”

“Did you two have a fight?”

Kyle sighed loudly, “No mother.” He answered, before leaving the table and heading for his room.

“Where are you going Kyle?”

“To my room where I’m not questioned for existing!”

Kyle stormed upstairs, upset with himself for acting so immature, but also proud he somehow managed to not accidently spit out he knocked up Stan and ruined both their young lives. He sighed as he closed his bedroom door and went to sit at his computer desk. How the hell were him and Stan going to be parents?

Tricia burst out laughing at the sight of Craig’s bright red face when he walked into the house. It wasn’t because of the embarrassment that he had just endured at the pharmacist, it was the fact that once he stepped through the door his father was on him asking why Mr. Tweek called to threaten him about keeping him out of his sons’ ass.

“I swear to god Craig-“

“I didn’t do anything!” He tried, though that was obviously false, or Tweek wouldn’t have felt the need to get on birth control. It wasn’t like Craig had never thought about it, but he kind of just assumed that was more for old married people, like his parents.

After a long talk with his father about being respectful of the Tweeks and using protection, Craig went off to the backyard to mope and smoke. Why the hell would Tweek send his father to get his pills for him? Why didn’t he just tell Craig and send him? 

“Hey” 

Craig looked up to see Tweek’s head popped over the fence, looking shy and very embarrassed.

“Hi.”

“Um… so sorry about that.” He replied, scratching the back of his neck “I really didn’t think my dad would notice what he was picking up for me.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve bought them for you.”

Tweek shrugged, continuing to look embarrassed about the whole situation.

Craig rolled his eyes and walked over to the fence, pulling himself up to kiss Tweek on the lips.

“Dude seriously. I’m glad you got the pills. I’d rather be embarrassed than be Stan and Kyle right now.”

Tweek snorted but looked much calmer.

Craig continued “Their baby is going to be so ugly dude.”

Tweek barked out a laugh “You are so rude!”

“I don’t hear you disagreeing!”

The next day Craig, Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman were sitting around Cartman’s TV watching Terrence and Philips reruns, joking about what a shit father Kyle was going to be, when Stan burst through the door and jumped onto Kyle.

“Kyle! I’m not pregnant! I went to the doctor and she said it was a false positive! We’re free!”

Kenny snorted and Cartman rolled his eyes as Kyle literally shot up, knocking Stan to the floor and throwing his arms in the air 

“THANK YOU GOD!” He shouted before turning to see he knocked Stan over, mumbling an apology and grabbing his hand, dragging him out the door.

Kenny scoffed “They’re just going to go have more unprotected sex. They’re so fucking dumb.”

Craig shrugged. Maybe they would, but at least for now the two idiots could be in bliss about their saving grace of a false positive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
